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If Marriages are Made in Heaven ,then Is Divorce Made in Hell? …Continued Impacts of Divorce On Children

Wednesday, September 23, 2009


The readers of the post are suggested to read my earlier post,the link given below or you can even find this post under the label My Journey of Life.
http://meghanaunleashed.blogspot.com/2009/07/if-marriages-are-made-in-heaven-then-is.html


When a couple decides to end their relationship by the word DIVORCE. Children can often be the most effected by divorce, and recent studies have found that children from broken home are more prone to violence and substance abuse than those from a happy, family home. Divorce will not be easy for a parent; but a parent is a grown adult who has (hopefully) mastered coping skills. Children, on the other hand, are not necessarily as prepared as an adult in this regard. What makes a sad situation even sadder is that parents going through a divorce are usually under so much emotional stress they are able to be of little help to their children. When children are deprived of the emotional support from their parents, they often turn their frustrations on themselves and the people around them. All children are affected by divorce in some way. Their world, their security and the stability they have known seem to fall apart when parents divorce. Children can be severely traumatized by divorce, especially if the divorce is a nasty one, and/or if there is a prolonged or an intense custody battle. With every impact I am including an innocent line of the kid whose parents are divorced.

• They feel helpless and powerless to do anything about the situation.
Feeling of Sadness
"It really hurt. It was hard for me to accept not being able to live in the same house with both parents."

• Sometimes children or teens feel they have to "take care of" one or both of their parents. Giving up one’s childhood to care for emotionally troubled parents is a widespread characteristic in children of divorce.
Forced Adulthood….
"I hate it when my mom asks me how she looks. I don’t like being put in that situation. I wish my dad were here to do it."

• Children who go through a divorce often are impacted in terms of their
self-esteem. They may believe that they themselves caused the divorce, or
that they did something wrong that made mommy and/or daddy want to not be with them.
Feeling Of Guilt
"My dad left because I wanted to ride my bike my way, and I told him to go away. He did and divorced my mom."
"If I had watched my baby brother when my mom was cooking dinner, then my mom wouldn’t have left me dad. It’s all my fault."


• They may worry that their parents don’t love them anymore. They feel abandoned. They feel like the parent has divorced them too.
Feeling of Loneliness
We’re half a family now--lonely."
"Holidays will never be any good any more."


• Children might indulge in alcohol/drug abuse and violence.

• It might lead to isolating themselves from their friends and family
Feeling of Isolation
"Daddy left. Will Mommy leave me too? What will happen to me?"

• They might show destructive behavior and sometimes may indulge in breaking rules
• Children tend to have anger directed toward others and themselves
Feeling of Anger
"I hate my sofa. It’s where my parents told me they were getting a divorce. I’ll never sit on it again."

• In future they might have difficulty in establishing an intimate relationship or other interpersonal relationships.

• They might become moody or silent and loose their naughty childhood early.
Feeling of Shock
"Unable to think, unable to feel, unable to grasp what had happened to their lives. Unable to speak about it."

• Sometimes custody battle leaves life long impact on the immature child’s brain.
Feeling of Torn between parents
"Dad couldn’t really be as bad as Mom says he is."
"I don’t care who I live with. I love you both. Please don’t make me choose--just tell me."

6 comments:

Surat said...

Nice blog. I liked it.

sm said...

thoughtful
nothing is made in heaven.

charmine. said...

Hi,thanks for stopping by my blog and for your nice comments.I read a few of your posts and it seems to me that your affected much with religion and family.Well documented.
Divorce certainly uproots children.A modern day trend with ill effects.

charmine. said...

Hi,thanks for stopping by my blog and for your nice comments.I read a few of your posts and it seems to me that your affected much with religion and family.Well documented.
Divorce certainly uproots children.A modern day trend with ill effects.

Psych Babbler said...

Guilt is probably one of the most common feelings in children after sadness. It's a shame that kids have to go through this. Having said that, most of them manage to cope with life after a while provided the parents don't put them in the middle. I think I wrote a post on that a while back because I was getting some clients whose parents kept bad-mouthing the other parent in front of the poor child who felt stuck in the middle...

Meghana said...

Hello Psych Babbler,

You are right!The poor child feels stuck in middle parents and the sad part is that the child loves both equally and his immature mind makes him feel helpless.